Dark Genesis09:26 Sep 27 2019
Times Read: 308
Hail to thee Lords, Ladies, and all others whom have decided my journal makes for a good read. I doubt this will gain me any "friends" but this is necessary all the same.
I confess that the only reason I am on VR is due to my brother. True that meeting others of The Family and like minded individuals would be wonderful… but that's not why I am here. I am here because my brother refuses to allow me to give up on making contacts in the community.
That sounds terribly pessimistic, if not a tad dramatic. I shall do my best to explain with as much accuracy as possible and without any emotional input.
About 11 years ago was when I finally put together what I Am. Obviously I still had holes and not a complete picture, but I had enough to wander into the Sanguine website (one that no longer exists). I did what any curious teenager would do, pretend to be 18 and join the website.
I freely admit to knowing nothing. I only knew my experience and my instincts. I hadn't read any of the books that were recommended. I had seen one of the interviews with Michelle Belanger, and I had old myths that I knew were either wrong or not completely correct. I had no way to buy the books and no way to get them to me in a secure manner.
I am not making any excuses, I am simply painting a picture of my situation.
I confess that there was more on the site that I could have read, and I wish I had. Especially should have before I decided to interact with others. At the time I was really only interested in interacting with others who were akin to me. I was absolutely thrilled to begin discussing experiences with them.
I called myself a Psi because the little knowledge that I had told me that's what I was. Now it's true that I feed on prana but that's more of a necessity. It is safer. Can you imagine the scene it would cause if I did as my nature would have it?
I do not remember too much as the details have become fuzzy with time. So there I am, 17 years old, pretending to be 18. I had already introduced myself as a Psi, and I came across a posting about dhampyr.
While I love the fantasy book series, the only "real" info I had on dhampyr was from myths. It is safe to say, that wasn't what they meant.
I did not understand what they truly meant. I remember there was someone who was asking about being born vs turned and blood cravings. I obviously do not remember the whole thing and I can not tell you if I was going for the "meet too" approach or if I was shooting for the "they aren't (and I'm not) crazy cause I've experienced similar" . Being the naive teenager, I commented something along the lines of "I wasn't turned, I was born and I crave blood." Yes, I know. Dumb kid. What I should have done was not said anything and learned from the replies but what I really craved was not knowledge but connections. So, while my statement was true, I must have come off as a wannabe or worse.
It is safe to say i was immediately blacklisted. Banned with such finality that no one with my IP address could hold an account. Would have been terrible if there happened to be another Of the Blood in that school with no other way to access the internet.
From a logical standpoint, it was a move to prevent a potential threat. For me, it was the first of many disappointments and instances where I felt like I was delusional. We all have struggle in our journey, mine liked to bounce me around.
There was more I could write but I'm sure you'd all agree with me, I should have been smarter and any reasonings I give are just excuses that others have managed to overcome. None of that truly matters now. It's in the past and life has progressed.
I no longer need confirmation, I know what I am. Whilst companionship is nice, I won't change myself to fall in line to others beliefs. We all have our own truths.
I will, however, listen to my brother on two things. I can not allow my past failings and disappointments to negatively impact my desire to connect to others nor effect my desire to see the growth of this community. I will also be posting on spells, tools, and frequencies on private instead of in the open. I have come to understand that there are those who do not believe in such things or view those who do a role players. That's a shame for you, but your belief doesn't shape my path. Mine does.
So friend me, message me, teach me, point out books, ask me questions, or don't. I'll take what I need out of what you give me and discard the rest. I expect no less from the rest of you.
COMMENTS
-
Vhaedyn
10:28 Sep 27 2019
Well said, sister! It is a very brave thing to speak with such honesty and openness about Your past experiences--more so than most will ever realize, for I have known You for years and I know full well the impact such events had on Your life.
Your courage to rise and rise again from continuously being knocked down in life and not allowing it to harden Your heart is truly an inspiration to Me.
You are truly a beautiful soul and I am truly blessed to have You in My life.